Developing your resilience

When you’re facing challenges in a relationship or struggling to find the right partner despite going on numerous dates, you need to find ways to manage to get through daily life and the stresses these challenges bring. Resilience is key to this. So read further for the secrets to resilience that can change your life.

There are a number of attributes that consistently stand out amongst those who tenaciously follow their own path in life. Here are seven secrets to resilience, highly resilient people have in common and are useful to help us think about our own lives.

HAVE A HIGHLY DEVELOPED SENSE OF SELF

People who are able to develop a strong sense of who they are and what matters to them are much better able to resist external influences that will keep many people from reaching their potential.

They are able to draw strength from within and are therefore less likely to be influenced by what others think of them. This strong inner strength helps them deflect criticism, and other factors that everyone who forges their own path inevitably faces. Begin by working on yourself and your inner confidence. Get to grips with what you want out of life and develop your self-belief. This will give you a really strong foundation. Once you have this highly developed sense of self you can then be in a better place to manage the challenges in any relationship. Or be your strong and confident best when going on dates.

LOOK FOR A POSITIVE TAKE AWAY FROM EVERY SITUATION

When things don’t go according to plan, resilient people look for the learning in the situation and the lesson they can take away. They don’t view failure as final, rather a necessary learning step that will take them further along the path. Instead of taking setbacks personally, they are seen as an inevitable part of the learning process and mentally prepare themselves to deal with them. Resilient people do not lose the lesson. If a date doesn’t work out, what can you learn from it. Maybe it just wasn’t the right person for you. Maybe some self-reflection can lead to real insight on your own part. With self-reflection comes wisdom.

TAKE A LONG-TERM VIEW

Resilient people are prepared for the long haul. Fully realising that anything worth achieving will be difficult and will take a great deal of time, effort, and persistence.

Despite not seeing any immediate results of their efforts, they are keenly aware that what their lives will look like in the future will be determined by their efforts today. Their strong sense of the future motivates them to take action. Even when they see no immediate benefit and don’t feel very motivated in the moment. It’s a bit of a cliché but the best things really do come to those who wait. Keep rushing into relationships and you won’t learn about why the last one didn’t work out. Take your time, reflect, and move forward. Keep belief in yourself and a long-term strong and stable relationship is way better than lots of ‘quick fixes.

HAVE HIGHLY DEVELOPED SENSE OF PURPOSE

Whether it is a belief in a higher power, a strong sense of purpose, or a great sense of humour, resilient people have sources of strength they can rely on to get them through difficult situations. This decreases their sense to belong and rely upon others for motivation. They see their lives beyond the everyday routine and strongly feel the need to follow their own vision. Their motivation is intrinsic.

DON’T GET FRIGHTENED BY UNCOMFORTABLE THOUGHTS OR NOT HAVING THE ANSWERS

Most people believe that not knowing how to do something and not being able to, are one and the same thing. Highly resilient people don’t let not knowing how to do something stop them. They believe that they will find a way. They have faith in their ability to overcome whatever obstacles are in their path. Expecting to find new situations uncomfortable and difficult, they are willing to accept this as part of the process. In the words of one of my favourite singers ‘Don’t give up’. Accepting that things don’t always work out is key to developing greater resilience. Take a step back, reflect and start again. If you struggle to do this by yourself. Find someone to draw strength from. Find your guide or mentor to learn from, whoever you choose this to be. 

ARE SELECTIVE IN WHOM THEY LOOK TO FOR GUIDANCE AND INSPIRATION

Highly resilient people don’t suffer fools. It’s not that they never look to others for guidance and direction, it’s that they are very selective in who they chose to follow. They look for mentorship in people who have achieved greatly and whom they admire. Once they have found the people they chose to follow, they soak up all the information, guidance, and inspiration they can. Find your true guide and you’re well on your way to real confidence and self-belief.

FIND HEALTHY WAYS TO RECHARGE AND NURTURE THEMSELVES

Resilient people are no less susceptible to pressures and life’s stressors than anyone else, but they have developed healthy coping mechanisms they know can be counted on. Whether it is meditation, exercise, or an all-encompassing hobby, they have proven methods that allow them to recharge their energy and get back into pursuing their passion. Personal growth and development for them is not a passing interest or flavour of the month. It is a way of life. What do you do to switch of from the stresses of the day. For me it’s gardening, walking the dog, being in nature, Tai Chi and Wing Chun. What’s your go to method of recharging?

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