Just like forgiveness, letting go and moving on are subtly different processes for everyone. But if you’re struggling and want a clear path to follow, work through these 10 steps to find peace and release. Keep reading to discover how to forgive and move on, starting today.
10 Steps for Letting Go Of Someone And how to move on.
Step 1: Reconnect With Your Heart
Do whatever you need to do to feel like your best, most authentic self. Meditate, be creative, spend time with those who aren’t hurting you, and tap into your heart energy. This is the positive, resilient part of you that will give you the resources you need to recover from pain. Learn to love yourself again. Recognise who you are and look for all your strengths that got you where you are today.
Step 2: Focus On Self-Knowledge
Try to understand the grudge you’re holding on to properly.
Why does it hurt so much? What past wounds does it open up? What is it about you that means you have been especially harmed by what has happened? Connect with your inner self. Nurture your self-awareness. What is that you’re really holding on to. Why are you still holding on, and why does this still serve you? How are you benefitting by holding on to the past? What do you need to do to start letting go? Isn’t it time to move on?
Step 3: Take Responsibility For Yourself
Another important part of learning how to forgive someone is taking responsibility for whatever role you played in the hurtful event. Your role might be minor or major, but if you don’t acknowledge it then you’ll subconsciously project negative thoughts about yourself onto others. And as you take responsibility for what’s appropriate, allow yourself to receive forgiveness too.
Step 4: Draw Lessons From Dark Times
No matter how awful something is, there are always useful lessons to be learned. In fact, we are often sent challenges precisely so we can grow.
Ask yourself what you can learn from this particular rupture in your relationship with another person. What will you do differently in other relationships? For example, are there firmer boundaries you need to hold? Do you need to build your confidence and self-worth before getting into another relationship. Have you learnt how to say No. What have you learnt that will help you move on.
Step 5: Focus On Kindness, Not Rightness
It’s tempting to ruminate on how wrong the other person is. However, if you want to forgive someone who has hurt you emotionally, you need to focus on this old Chinese proverb: “It’s better to be kind than to be right.”
How can you offer that kindness to the person who wronged you? And how might kindness make your other relationships run more smoothly? Kindness to yourself and others is a great healer.
Step 6: Move Away From Judgement
Empathy is a powerful weapon against grudges. Spend at least a little time seeing your current situation from the other person’s perspective.
- How do things look to them?
- What do they feel?
- Why have they done what they have?
This exercise isn’t about finding excuses for bad behavior, but about understanding the complexities and inner struggles we all face.
Step 7: Accept Apologies
Sometimes the other person has no intention of saying sorry. If this is the case then let it go. Staying resentful will only serve to hurt you, not them. However, if someone is willing to offer you an apology, take it with grace. This doesn’t mean you have to excuse their actions. Plus, you don’t even have to welcome the person back into your life if you don’t want to.
However, it does mean putting persistent negative thinking to bed.
Step 8: Don’t Look For Further Offence
When you’ve experienced recent hurt, you might be tempted to keep looking for further offenses. These might be in the same relationships, or just in life in general.
However, if you look for signs of disrespect or reasons to be angry, you will find them! You will stay angry and this will eat away at your heart and mind. Start your day with the assumption that people will treat you well, and go from there.
Step 9: Be In The Present
As noted above, to forgive and let go you need to take yourself out of the past. Tell yourself that you’re going to give all your energy to this moment and this day, instead of uselessly pouring it into something you can’t change.
Meditation can be helpful here, as can physically grounding activities like exercising or making something with your hands. Focus on this present moment. Observe your every action. Staying focused on the present let’s you move on from the past.
Step 10: Give and receive Love
Do your best to align yourself with a loving, giving vibration.
Try writing down 3-5 things that make you feel love at the start of your day, and hold those in your heart. Every time you feel yourself returning to negativity, recite those 3-5 things in your mind. Write down the positive things people say to you. Compliments you receive. The love you give to others. Focus on these every day. As you give love, so too will you receive it.
Recognize The Lessons Learned From Letting Go And Moving On
When you’ve experienced letting go and moving on, you learn a lot about life and about yourself. Toxic relationships with toxic people are incredibly painful, but they’re also richly educational. Recognise that you’ve discovered more about what you need from relationships, your deepest vulnerabilities, and your capacity for healing.
In addition, the process of forgiveness teaches us how to live in the present instead of stewing over the past or stressing about the future. When we are able to enjoy and fully experience each passing moment, we get more out of life and permit ourselves to be happy.
Finally, when it comes to the issue of how to forgive someone who keeps hurting you, make sure you distinguish this from tolerating future emotional injuries. Forgiveness and relationship endings are not mutually exclusive. You can offer forgiveness and let go of grudges while still refusing to let a toxic person back into your life. And in some cases, that may be what you need in order to attain love and well-being.